A foundational perspective on focus, meaning, and how we engage life.
Do you sometimes get that feeling like you’ve missed the boat?
Like all the chances you had, have passed you by?
I know what that’s like…
After years of living in a drug-induced haze
And bumbling through life
I got to nearly 30 years old when I had to start from scratch
I had no relevant skills to earn a decent income
My body was poisoned
Emotionally and mentally, I was a wreck.
Do you think I felt any hope of succeeding in life?
Of course not.
So believe me when I say I know what it’s like to feel like it’s too late.
It’s 20 years later, and I’ve been sober for 14 of those years
I’ve cultivated a growth mindset.
I developed skills, done quality work, and started businesses
And failed many, many times at many things
Things have gone horribly wrong
Relationships fractured
I fractured
But I’ve always gotten up and carried on, and will no doubt encounter more challenges and failures on my journey of growth and evolution.
I’ve prioritized learning and caring for my body by eating a healthy diet, and I’m committed to exercising regularly.
The quality of my life has made a dramatic turn over the last decade
What changed wasn’t my circumstances
It was what I was focused on
what I gave meaning to
and how I learned to meet life instead of resisting it.
What I’ve learned about change, struggle, and meaning
These aren’t motivational ideas. They are operating principles I’ve learned, often painfully, about how life actually works.
Reality doesn’t pause. Engagement is a choice.
- Every day is a chance to start again.
- Nobody can make you take the right path; you must choose it. It’s a decision, that’s all it ever is.
- Purpose isn’t something you find; it’s right in front of you in the things that most need your attention and that matter most. It’s also something you create, something you get to choose.
- The world doesn’t stop while your life is derailed. The sun will set, the sun will rise, the birds will sing. Every. Single. Day.
Focus and meaning create experience
- The more self-focused you become, the bigger and more serious your problems seem.
- Focusing on how you can make a positive difference in others’ lives makes the biggest difference in your own.
- When you make life about what you can give rather than what you can get, you begin to experience an authentic sense of meaning and purpose. Then the things you have to do become things you want and need to do.
- All of life’s pains and pleasures are hidden in the meanings we assign to things and the stories we create out of those meanings. You are the decider of meaning and you are the weaver of your stories.
- Challenge your thoughts. Whatever you think of yourself or your life is what you’ll think others are thinking, too.
Beliefs run the system
- Your mindset determines the quality of every aspect of your life.
- Growth mindset: everything is a teacher = empowering.
- Fixed mindset: you either have it or you don’t = limiting.
- These are just broad beliefs about reality, and beliefs are just assumptions about what is true.
- What you consistently experience is a direct result of your beliefs. Everything starts with the belief.
- A belief creates related emotions, which have related thoughts and produce related actions, leading to a related result confirming the belief.
- It’s a self-confirming dynamic.
- Change your beliefs = changing your focus = changing your reality
Resistance is the hidden enemy
- Resistance is the only obstacle to freedom. Some forms of resistance are: fear, doubt, worry, resentment, and overthinking.
- Resistance is habitually avoiding, suppressing, or pushing back against difficult feelings or situations.
- Welcoming, embracing, learning from and leaning into these discomforts enables you to transcend them and be more fully and authentically yourself.
Relationships as a life skill
- Developing and nurturing good relationships is among the most important life skills.
- The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your mental and emotional state, affecting every area of your life. Your physical health is connected to this.
- Mastering yourself = mastering relationships
Self-worth is lived, not affirmed
- Every decision you make (or don’t make) is either an affirmation or a denial of how you value yourself.
- The distance between where you are and where you want to be shouldn’t matter nearly as much as why you want to be there. If the distance matters more, you’ll never get there.
- Even the most difficult things become easier with enough repetition.
It’s not too late. Now has always been as good a time as any to start.
You’re gonna do something anyway.
Do something that matters.
Your future self (and others) will thank you for it.